The rest of the story: Potty-training

When we left off, I was waxing about the brilliance of my sister-in-law. In Phase Three: Bribery, we discovered that Kate was willing to do anything for a Barbie.

The story from Jill was that with her oldest son, she bought him a toy and put it on the mantel out of reach, yet in sight, and told him that he could have it if he pooped in the toilet. Well, Jill was basically tapped out at this point of potty-training with him and so I am sure that the relief she felt when IT ACTUALLY WORKED was transcendent.

I know it was for me.

I also know that it was short lived when we went right back to not pooping in the toilet the very next day.

So we did it again, like instructions on a shampoo bottle: Bribe, Poop, Repeat.

We wisely added stipulations to the bribe, such as "You must poop in the toilet every day for the next three days to receive this toy." Then we added a day, until Kate hit the week mark, and we knew that we were golden. So we were many dollars poorer and many Barbies richer, but we had a (mostly) potty-trained almost three-year-old.

The moral of the story is that everyone has their own methods of enticing their own stubborn little ones to do what they don't want to do, and there is no one right or wrong way to potty-train. I learned a lot about how my child handles frustration (not well,) and that she really just wants to please us, as most toddlers do.

So, my advice for potty-training is as follows:

• Come to the party prepared. Have your kid pick out whatever special character underwear they like, but know that those are like wearing a garbage bag in a hurricane. The ones that you really want are the double seated underwear, I think Gerber makes them, because at least they slow down the big pees. If your kid demands to wear Buzz drawers, just put them over the thick ones.
• I know nothing about potty-training boys. My sister's boys learned to pee sitting down and standing up, my sister-in-law's boys only stand up. Whatever their daddy does, they're going to want to do. Here I must add the story about Kate walking in on Tommy peeing and patting him on the butt and saying, "Good girl, Daddy."
• You have to teach girls to wipe from front to back, otherwise you are in for a world of hurt.
• Those flushable wipes are usually fragranced, so if you have a sensitive bum, steer clear. Kate calls it "ouchie pee pees."
• Take an extra change of clothes, including socks, in a large Ziploc bag everywhere you go. When there is an accident, you use the Ziploc for all the wet stuff.
• Invest in a piddle pad for your car seat, they are usually around $10 or $15 and will save you from having to dismantle the carseat once a day.
• Don't stress if they are still in diapers at night, that is a brain development thing and it takes a while for some kids. Kate is still wearing Pull-Ups to bed. She wakes up dry about twice a week, and almost every day at nap time she is dry. I made the mistake of withholding liquids close to bed time to try to help her stay dry. The only result was a mild UTI and dehydration. Their bodies have to start telling their kidneys to slow down at night before they can stay dry for such long periods of time. It's not a behavior thing, it's a physiology thing. Obviously, giving a kid a huge juice drink at dinner and then putting them straight to bed is a recipe for disaster, but letting them have liquids and teaching them to use the toilet before bed is not a bad idea. When we lived in Hobbs, the air was so dry, Kate was thirsty all the time, so she got used to having a sippy cup of water in her bed every night. We still do this for both girls and there is no difference in their diapers on the nights we forget.
• Speaking of Pull-Ups, they did not work for Kate as a potty-training tool. We use them now for sleeptime so that if she needs to use the bathroom she is not having to take off her diaper and then put it back on with the tabs and whatnot. Not that she ever has actually gotten out of bed, gone to the bathroom, washed up and went back to bed, but just in case she does... I like to set my girls up for success! Pull-Ups are more expensive and less absorbent than regular diapers, and Kate always went ahead and peed or whatever in them because they felt like diapers to her.
• I have no idea how many packages of panties we went through during those two months of hell, but I know that I probably bought panties everytime we went to the store. I hated rinsing out the mess and washing them with all the other clothes, especially since Brookie was a tiny baby. Even though we have a Sanitize setting on our washer, it was still poopy panties in my washer. Ick. So I just treated them like a poopy diaper, and tied them in a trash bag and tossed them. Eco friendly, no. Less nauseating, yes. And it was incentive for Kate not to poop on whatever friend she was wearing that day. "Kate, don't poop on Ariel," or "Don't poop on Minnie Mouse." And if she did, I made her say "bye-bye" to whatever friend as I tied them up in their own little burial sack.
• Finally, make it fun for them! Let them pick out their own soap, stool, towel, or whatever so that they are excited to go in the bathroom.

I pray for you, my friend, that it will not be as difficult for you as it was for us. I pray that your angel baby will never have an accident, those kids really do exist. Who knows, maybe Brookie will be that child. And as a disclaimer, I am not an expert on kids, I'm an expert on MY kids and a shaky one at that. I hope you don't make as many mistakes as I did, and if you do, you learn from them for the next frustrating lesson.

But the most important thing that I took away from all of this was that negative reinforcement doesn't work in this situation. You don't have to bribe or use Barbies or M&Ms or whatever, but being upbeat, praising them for their success and encouraging them when they fail makes them feel empowered, and you don't feel like a monster everyday.

And you know what, if you want to be one of those moms who scrapbooks about your kid sitting on the toilet, you just go right on ahead and do it.

And now I'm off to peruse my new iPhone that Tommy surprised me with for Valentine's Day. YAY! Good night!