Random updates...and a little pee

Brooke just went pee in the potty!!! I don't know who was more surprised, her or me. We had a little party in the bathroom for her, Kate was so cute, she was very encouraging and said, "Good job, Sister!"

We moved her into her new twin bed yesterday after a successful week in the toddler bed, and so far she has transitioned pretty smoothly. The first two days were a little bumpy, but then she figured out how to play for a little while and then lay down in her bed. I'm a little shocked at how little she protested or tried to escape, she tends to be a stubborn little miss.

I'm working on sewing a bedspread for Miss Brooke, it is chenille and so it is super linty, there is lavender fluff all over my house right now. Maybe someone can teach me how to upload pictures to this blog so that everyone can see it when it is complete...

In other news, I just found out that there is a GF B&B in San Antonio, as well as a GF cafe/bakery, so maybe the next time we head that way we will give it a try. And the links from the Chicken Paradise website would definitely help anyone who is GF traveling to San Antonio or the surrounding areas.

http://www.thelittleaussiebakery.com/
http://www.chickenparadise.com/

Thanks to my friend, Julie, for the info. She is such an inspiration to me for many reasons, but the knowledge that she has shared about all things gluten has been life changing for me. I cannot begin to express how truly amazing this lady is, I want to be just like her when I grow up!

So, all of a sudden, a bunch of the women in my life have taken the plunge, either voluntarily or otherwise, into the world of stay-at-home momming. Epidemic level. And none of my SAHM friends are entering the work force, but I have a feeling that will be happening sooner than later.

I have been thinking about tips for these moms on how not to burn out, and how to enjoy your time at home, but the truth is, I am burned out and I don't always enjoy my kids. There are days when I am so fed up with not listening and picking up their stuff and changing peed on sheets and preparing meals that by the time T gets home I am downright surly. So who am I to advise? Donna Reed, I am not, I'm more of Mommy Dearest on those days.

Mommy: "Kate, Brooke, go upstairs, it's naptime."
*crickets chirping*
Mommy: "Kate, Brooke, it's time to go upstairs now."
Kate: "Let's play Polly Pockets, Brooke."
Mommy: "GO UPSTAIRS, NOOOOOWWWWW!"

Wailing, running, stomping ensue.

Deep breaths. Or more screaming, it's a crapshoot.

But on the days when I love my job and my life, I think I am a great mom. I am present, I am interested in what they are doing and think of ways to make activities fun.

So I guess the big thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that you don't have job evaluations to track your progress. You can do great for a week and have a really bad couple of days and no one is going to fire you. You can work really hard and maybe no one notices. Or you can phone it in and watch Cinderella twice in one day and they say, "This was the best day ever!"

So cut yourself a break. Take it a day at a time. Look at their sweet faces. Think about saying yes instead of no. Give hugs in place of time out or spanking. Think before you speak.

And I say all of these things because I have done the opposite and felt terrible. I have learned the hard way that losing my temper just scares my children and makes them sad, and makes me sad as well. It doesn't teach anyone or solve anything.

So now they are both up from nap and it is a new day! Kate has just reminded me that she is waiting patiently for her drink. What are some of your learned-the-hard-way parenting tips?

The rest of the story: Potty-training

When we left off, I was waxing about the brilliance of my sister-in-law. In Phase Three: Bribery, we discovered that Kate was willing to do anything for a Barbie.

The story from Jill was that with her oldest son, she bought him a toy and put it on the mantel out of reach, yet in sight, and told him that he could have it if he pooped in the toilet. Well, Jill was basically tapped out at this point of potty-training with him and so I am sure that the relief she felt when IT ACTUALLY WORKED was transcendent.

I know it was for me.

I also know that it was short lived when we went right back to not pooping in the toilet the very next day.

So we did it again, like instructions on a shampoo bottle: Bribe, Poop, Repeat.

We wisely added stipulations to the bribe, such as "You must poop in the toilet every day for the next three days to receive this toy." Then we added a day, until Kate hit the week mark, and we knew that we were golden. So we were many dollars poorer and many Barbies richer, but we had a (mostly) potty-trained almost three-year-old.

The moral of the story is that everyone has their own methods of enticing their own stubborn little ones to do what they don't want to do, and there is no one right or wrong way to potty-train. I learned a lot about how my child handles frustration (not well,) and that she really just wants to please us, as most toddlers do.

So, my advice for potty-training is as follows:

• Come to the party prepared. Have your kid pick out whatever special character underwear they like, but know that those are like wearing a garbage bag in a hurricane. The ones that you really want are the double seated underwear, I think Gerber makes them, because at least they slow down the big pees. If your kid demands to wear Buzz drawers, just put them over the thick ones.
• I know nothing about potty-training boys. My sister's boys learned to pee sitting down and standing up, my sister-in-law's boys only stand up. Whatever their daddy does, they're going to want to do. Here I must add the story about Kate walking in on Tommy peeing and patting him on the butt and saying, "Good girl, Daddy."
• You have to teach girls to wipe from front to back, otherwise you are in for a world of hurt.
• Those flushable wipes are usually fragranced, so if you have a sensitive bum, steer clear. Kate calls it "ouchie pee pees."
• Take an extra change of clothes, including socks, in a large Ziploc bag everywhere you go. When there is an accident, you use the Ziploc for all the wet stuff.
• Invest in a piddle pad for your car seat, they are usually around $10 or $15 and will save you from having to dismantle the carseat once a day.
• Don't stress if they are still in diapers at night, that is a brain development thing and it takes a while for some kids. Kate is still wearing Pull-Ups to bed. She wakes up dry about twice a week, and almost every day at nap time she is dry. I made the mistake of withholding liquids close to bed time to try to help her stay dry. The only result was a mild UTI and dehydration. Their bodies have to start telling their kidneys to slow down at night before they can stay dry for such long periods of time. It's not a behavior thing, it's a physiology thing. Obviously, giving a kid a huge juice drink at dinner and then putting them straight to bed is a recipe for disaster, but letting them have liquids and teaching them to use the toilet before bed is not a bad idea. When we lived in Hobbs, the air was so dry, Kate was thirsty all the time, so she got used to having a sippy cup of water in her bed every night. We still do this for both girls and there is no difference in their diapers on the nights we forget.
• Speaking of Pull-Ups, they did not work for Kate as a potty-training tool. We use them now for sleeptime so that if she needs to use the bathroom she is not having to take off her diaper and then put it back on with the tabs and whatnot. Not that she ever has actually gotten out of bed, gone to the bathroom, washed up and went back to bed, but just in case she does... I like to set my girls up for success! Pull-Ups are more expensive and less absorbent than regular diapers, and Kate always went ahead and peed or whatever in them because they felt like diapers to her.
• I have no idea how many packages of panties we went through during those two months of hell, but I know that I probably bought panties everytime we went to the store. I hated rinsing out the mess and washing them with all the other clothes, especially since Brookie was a tiny baby. Even though we have a Sanitize setting on our washer, it was still poopy panties in my washer. Ick. So I just treated them like a poopy diaper, and tied them in a trash bag and tossed them. Eco friendly, no. Less nauseating, yes. And it was incentive for Kate not to poop on whatever friend she was wearing that day. "Kate, don't poop on Ariel," or "Don't poop on Minnie Mouse." And if she did, I made her say "bye-bye" to whatever friend as I tied them up in their own little burial sack.
• Finally, make it fun for them! Let them pick out their own soap, stool, towel, or whatever so that they are excited to go in the bathroom.

I pray for you, my friend, that it will not be as difficult for you as it was for us. I pray that your angel baby will never have an accident, those kids really do exist. Who knows, maybe Brookie will be that child. And as a disclaimer, I am not an expert on kids, I'm an expert on MY kids and a shaky one at that. I hope you don't make as many mistakes as I did, and if you do, you learn from them for the next frustrating lesson.

But the most important thing that I took away from all of this was that negative reinforcement doesn't work in this situation. You don't have to bribe or use Barbies or M&Ms or whatever, but being upbeat, praising them for their success and encouraging them when they fail makes them feel empowered, and you don't feel like a monster everyday.

And you know what, if you want to be one of those moms who scrapbooks about your kid sitting on the toilet, you just go right on ahead and do it.

And now I'm off to peruse my new iPhone that Tommy surprised me with for Valentine's Day. YAY! Good night!

Why are we scrapbooking about toilets?

So my good friend Courtney and I were hunting for fireworks stickers on the scrapbooking aisle at Hobby Lobby last week, when I came across multiple embellishment, quote rub-ons and sticker packages for potty-training. I have seen these before, but just dismissed them as something that I would never buy, but for some reason that day it really struck me as odd.

Who wants to make a commemorative page in their child's scrapbook about pee and poop?

I love my children, and I have successfully potty-trained one of them, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is not something that I will need to be reminded of for the rest of my life.

It was terrible.

I was crying, screaming, Mommy dearest for at least two months. I cleaned poop or pee off of every surface in my house at least twice. Poor Kate was worse off because on top of trying to figure out how NOT to poop or pee on herself, she had to live with me, the crazy lady.

I call this Phase One: Preparation. I talked to anyone and everyone who had ever potty-trained a child, I read what Dr. Sears and Dr. Spock had to say, and I bought books and cartoons for Kate with various creatures using the toilet. I bought a potty chair, a potty ring, a stool and flushable wipes. I bought Pull-Ups, double seat panties, plastic panties, and Disney Princesses panties. Target loved me.

Several of the mommies from Kate's gymnastics class were potty-training at the same time so that we could move our kids from Mommy and Me to Preschool class. We could all see who had been successful since last week because there was no more bunchy diaper or Pull-Up sticking out under their leotards. And one by one, they all started wearing panties.

EXCEPT KATE.

Even the kids who were younger than her were at least able to wear panties during the day. So I got all their tips and advice and put it to use. I call this Phase Two: Desperation.

Amy said to do the timer trick, set the timer for a certain amount of time and when it rings, take them to the toilet. Leave them there until they go or for five minutes, whichever comes first. If they go, set the timer for forty five minutes and repeat. If they don't set the timer for ten minutes and try again.

Kate would scream and turn red and spit and act like a demon if I made her sit there for five minutes. As soon as that timer went off, we both let out a huge sigh of relief, and off she would go. A few minutes later she would pee or poop on herself.

Laura said to put her on the potty and squat down in front of her and make her squeeze each of my ten fingers as hard as she could, hypothetically this would make her tighten all of her muscles and if there was anything in there, it would come out.

Kate would grab one finger and scream and spit and turn red and throw a fit.

Then there were the moms who said it took them one day and two accidents and their angel babies just got it. There were the daddies who took credit for potty-training their kids (HA!) while mom was seeing red, and the well meaning older generation whose advice was to try again later, maybe she's just not ready.

I was so afraid I had scarred my poor child for life with all of my ranting and begging and isolation in the downstairs half bath. I was worried that she would start kindergarten and still be wearing Pull-Ups. Mostly I was afraid that I was doing something wrong. There is so much guilt and fear associated with motherhood, I hope my daughters never realize how much power they have over me. I would call Tommy and vent my frustration on him, and feel like an absolute failure as a parent for most of the day. Then I would call my sister-in-law.

She is one of my best friends and biggest champions. I love her as a friend and as a sister-in-law. She and I are so different, but as parents we have a lot of similarities. More on her later. What she suggested turned it all around, and I call this next section Phase Three: Bribery or Bargaining with the Devil.